Thursday, March 24, 2005

The day the music died... in Key West no less

Location: Key West, FL. Salt Lake City, UT. Chicago, IL.

I messed up. It was bound to happen sooner or later, but this past trip to Key West was a testament to my unskilled attempt at playing Dolly Levi, threeway-style. Not that things went totally wrong, but due to some misunderstandings, a houseful of unexpected guests and ultimately some second thoughts on things, i spent the entire weekend more celibate than a 'Just Say No' teen abstinence commercial. It was like a Monty Python skit gone horribly wrong.

I will say, however, that my charming host while in Key West did his level best to keep things on the up & up. As always, he made my personal KW experience a great, and memorable, one. He was a wearer of many hats that weekend, but ultimately he turned out to be a nice cross between Martha Stewart (post-Cupcake of course) and Lash LaRue. Hats off to the mice!

I'm just glad that we didn't go with the now quietly-famous 'raw duck' at SquareOne again ;)

On the plus side, i did get to meet a straight friend-of-a-friend with his GIT (gal-in-tow) down in the Keys. Since i couldn't get the nerve to snap a pic, let me word a mental image for you... and if anyone reading happened to be there that weekend, please feel free to correct me if i'm wrong about this: 21yo, 6'4", 190lbs, tanned and smooth, v-shaped torso, defined abs, thick hairy legs and a look that screams 'I'm a fratboy from the Hamptons.' While i wasn't totally buying his 'straightness,' he did spend more time in various states of undress than i did. This kid knew he had a built in gay audience at the house, so he made sure to drop his towel a few times and remain shirtless throughout. A nice touch, no? While i didn't pander openly to his game, i did rethink some of my strategy when he let me know over dinner about his... and i quote... 'gigantic cock.'

Classy, eh? Oh how i love 'straight' guys ;)

So, i'm flipping through last week's USA Today (ie, the paper for people who have the attention span of celery) while in the air and found an interesting article for those wanting a perfect smile, but who also have the 'instant gratification' bug. Click HERE for the full story, but methinks this could be the newest fad for those looking for a very quick fix. Downside seems that these 'teeth' aren't made to chew food with: A possible plus when you consider they could be marketed as both a cosmetic and a weight-loss fix. LOL. It could happen. Now for as little as $1k, you can look like Brad Pitt and weigh as much as him too...

As a little follow-up to my Melena Trump rant on the last blog teaser: I still have yet to find a singular image of this woman smiling. I googled her name and amazingly enough, she's even insipid and frowning in DRAWN PICTURES of herself. Need proof? Take a look:

Somewhere out there, there are Prozac ad people salivating at the thought of using her as the 'before' picture. Instead, we'll have to see her model-ready-mug on every damned new Trump property going up in the next 30 years. *argh*

RIP Gaiety Theatre: NYC's home to male burlesque since the beginning of time (well, not actually THAT long, but the place looked that old). From Details Magazine to Madonna's 'Sex' book, the G was featured everywhere. Click HERE for a most touching (and interesting) look at the Gaiety, courtesy of 'Proceed At Your Own Risk.' A great article indeed.

I dusted off the trusty ol' webcam this evening and decided to snap a series of yours truly. When it finally gets featured in the Whitney, i think i'm going to call it 'Benjamin Nicholas: I'm actually a non-drinker.' Enjoy the snapshots.

I'm ready for my close-up, Mister DeMille.

If life is but a stage, i need better lighting...

Anyone here subscribe or read some of the many gay magazines out there? Not porn, but actual mags with paragraphs that don't include the words 'cock' or 'fellatio,' ie Genre, Out, Instinct or The Advocate. Well i do and there i was sitting in a rather small airplane cabin reading through Out magazine and suddenly i hear a loud phone ring and someone say 'We're at the beach!'

My fucking magazine is talking to me.... Holy shit.

Welcome to the future of magazine advertisements: Talking interactive ads. This rather tacky one was for an HIV medication. Aside from the tone of the ad being WAY too happy-go-lucky regarding the given subject matter, the device was annoying and could possibly 'out' those who wish to read such magazines in peace & quiet. Everyone in the immediate vicinity onboard turned to look at what was making the noise and in return, all eyes were on me.

How lovely... and me without my Speedos on.

Here's hoping that others haven't experienced this embarrassment, but i have a feeling that many will and we won't be seeing much more of this new interactive way to terrorize people anytime soon.

I recently got wrangled into a preview of Infiniti's new M-class vehicle at the dealership, where they had a chance to show off all of the bells & whistles of this new sports sedan. If any of you out there are considering a new car, let me be the first to say that this is a wet dream on wheels. Thank God for the easy-to-clean leather seating on the M, as i nearly wet my pants when i sat down in it for the first time. YEOWZA... IT'S LIKE BUTTA! It's one hot potato. Take a look:

With a base price of $40k, this sedan is a direct competitor to the likes of the BMW 6-7 series, as well as the Mercedes 500 class. Standard features include heated/air-conditioned seating, bluetooth compatibility, 290hp engine (V8 optional) and a enough paint/leather/trim combos to keep you busy through 2006. The major option they touted at the dealership was their new Bose 15-speaker studiosurround system. I can't even describe the quality of the sound, but i was totally blown away by the clarity, bass, placement and tone. It was hands-down the BEST sound system i've heard in any car. Period.

Remembering my almost-accident earlier, the salesman put down some newspaper for me in the backseat while he demonstrated the Bose system.

Keep in mind that the car is fully-loaded, with the most horsepower in it's class and still $10-15k less than the BMW or Mercedes. Now that's amazing. Viva la Infiniti! Also keep in mind that i didn't have ANY intention of purchasing this new vehicle. It was a nice thought, but a fleeting one, as i quite enjoy my current debt-to-income ratio. Less is always more, right? :)

I began to hyperventilate like a 13-year old girl at an NSYNC concert when i saw this most recent ad for 2Xist's new line of underwear the other day. I also happen to have a 2Xist ad cutout from last month's Vanity Fair hanging over my desk as i type. I find it gives me the willpower to keep up my body in the gym, along with keeping me away from the constant lure of bean & cheese tacos from Las Palapas (a local Mexican eatery). So far, so good.

With the thought of beans and cheese running through your head, let's switch to this week's edition of EYE CANDY. We've got TONS of images to share this time around, so sit back and get ready for a man-meat tidal wave:

Let's keep things rolling. I said i had tons of pics and i wasn't jerkin' your chain...

So i heard from a friend of mine (and sometime porn performer) that a certain popular amateur porn site with a male namesake is deceiving their models in order to get the pics & vid they need. Seems this site is promising their 'straight' models chaperones and great deals of money, but refuses to deliver on either promise when push comes to shove. When the models complain or refuse to perform, the Fagin-like owner of the site uses their return plane ticket home to get what he needs. This seemingly great site might not be so great for long if this info comes into greater light...

You think your email is weird? Get a load of the pic i was sent the other day. Keep in mind that this kind of thing isn't a singular happening:

I think i'm going to start a 'greatest hits' section to 15 Minutes of some of the best, worst, funniest and strangest email i've gotten. No names or faces mentioned of course, but some of it is just WAY too good to let go. One of my all-time favorite strange emails comes from someone i like to call Mister Green. He never types a complete sentence and usually just sends me the following message on the days i have a new review posted... and i quote:

"Nice Juicy Cock"

Not exactly the kind of email i'm looking to get, but hey, it makes me smile and passes time. It could be worse. The thought of "Nice Juicy Pussy" absolutely frightens me.

This coming Saturday, i'm out on a 7-day cruise into warmer waters, where i'll hopefully spend mass amounts of time in Speedos and vegging out on a beach somewhere. I plan on having a cam with me, so expect some new travel snapshots when i'm back on 4/2. For the time being, please excuse any late responses to email, as i'm not sure if this ship is wireless & equipped for internet or whatnot. I'll send out smoke signals or carrier pigeons if need be.

Other travel news: I'm headed to Key West again in April to stay and play at the gay B&B The Island House. While i've never stayed alone at a B&B before, i've been told that this is the place in KW for fun, frolic and festivities. We'll see :) If anyone's been out there before, please feel free to shoot me an E. I'm listening.

BelAmi boys beware! I've got eagle-eyed readers who are sending me info daily on the various paid sexscapades you're engaging in! I actually find the fact pretty a-ok, but am always amazed at how 'undercover' they try to keep their nefarious activities. Here's a new online escort profile from one of BelAmi's finest:

***UPDATE ON BELAMI LINK*** It's a fake! I was emailed info that the model-in-question is unable to get his US Visa, so this couldn't be him. Well, it was a nice thought. I'm leaving the link up so we can all still enjoy the fantasy.... lol.

I just realized that it's been awhile since i've posted up a solid entry to the free WHACKOFF OF THE WEEK series. Let's fix that problem pronto. Take a look at JuicyGoo's new section dedicated to some seriously big-dicked twinks, jocks and other hotties. This creation is hot off the presses! My favorite studsicle? Antonio Lopez. Anyone have his phone number? HOT! Click HERE to go to JuicyGoo's new 'Eurocreme' section, but be warned, you might need a whole box of Kleenex while you're there.

Ah, one more funny image before i wrap up this edition... This was sent to me from a friend with the caption 'For the difficult people in your life.' It made me chuckle:

As always, thanks for staying tuned y'all. ... And now back to your regularly scheduled day.

I am big~ It's the pictures that got small!


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