Thursday, September 01, 2005

It’s not often that I’m sworn to seriousness here on the blog, but the devastation that Katrina inflicted throughout the South (New Orleans, Biloxi, etc) was incredible. I hope that everyone with family, friends or who live in those areas find refuge and are now safe. I’ve got family in New Orleans myself. I was relieved to find out today that everyone I know is okay, albeit at the expense of having their whole lives destroyed. I can’t imagine what that must feel like.

The Big Easy is nothing more than a submerged, post-apocalyptic ghost-town at this point. The laws of the wild west have reportedly taken over, with looting and violence being the preferred way to procure such needed items as ice and water. In one of the very few declarations I’ve admired from Texas governor Rick Perry, he welcomed the stranded into the state and offered continuing education at Texas schools for any displaced children.

I don't like Perry's politics much, but i've got to give him a hand for declaring Texas a disaster zone for extra government funding for the incoming refugees. Now that Houston is brimming with people at the AstroDome, Dallas and San Antonio will step-up for the incoming. It's absolutely incredible how people have stepped up, helped out and opened their hearts in a time that FEMA and other federal agencies have dropped the ball.

... and wasn't it just in the spirit of giving that the President cut short his Crawford vacation by 3 days to tour the flood sites? As of this posting, he has yet to step foot on wet soil to meet with the affected face-to-face. Now that's real class.

With most of the city still underwater and a tentative December clean-up, how viable is it to keep the city of New Orleans a city? A major city that knowingly resides below sea-level and continued using outdated water pumps is akin to a ticking timebomb. Will this latest (and greatest) flood devastation open the eyes of its residents, causing them to see that history will surely repeat itself? I won’t use money as a contributing sway in such a decision, as more is printed everyday, but will the loss of human life suffice? It’s an interesting situation. It’s also incredibly sad.

Here's an excerpt (from a MSN group) coming from someone still in New Orleans (helping with relief efforts) and he's giving a first-hand account without all the bells and whistles that CNN bullshits us with:

"Well guys, I'm official again. It seems I failed to get a medical clearance toreturn to work last Monday. For those of you who don't know, on Memorial Dayweekend, while assisting an accident victim, I was struck be a passing motorist andpinned against the side of our ambulance. Katrina caught me with my chest and botharms still in casts. Sometime in the course of the week, the damn casts had gottenin my way one too many times, and with a bit of help, I ended up with both armsfree.Today I was ordered to a medical unit for a series of shots to prevent me fromgetting any of the multitude of diseases they expect to hit hard here.To make a longstory much shorter, without being fussed at too much, I was given clearance to work.For those of you who wish to lose weight, you've missed a great chance. I have lost16 pounds this week. On a good day, after a great meal, and dripping wet I usuallyweigh 145 pounds.Now I jump up and down on the scale trying to get it to read 130.Have ya'all ever heard of MRE's? That's military talk for Meals Ready to Eat. Ithink someone should market these things, just so the world can know the contents.Should that happen, try to buy two of them, one to open and nibble upon and one as aconversation piece. Granted, after a few days of no food, these things are great.When New Orleans is up and running again, you will not catch me standing in line forone.I see TV cameras all over, so you guys probably know more about what is happeninghere than I do. I hear that the 17th street levy is almost repaired. I hear thatthey have started shooting the bad boys.I really don't want to describe the condition of the bodies we are finding. Takeyour worst nightmare, multiply it several fold, then try to clear your head of theimage.After several years in the medical and rescue business, one thinks he has seenit all and the worst possible. I haven't and really don't want to see anymore, butI must. The sooner we can get this cleaned up, the sooner ya'all can come on down.The people being pulled from the dark corners of their attics are so dis-orientedand confused. Most have given up on the hope of living and think of the rescuers asdeath arrived to take them.I am an animal lover, I relate better to four footed critters better than I do twofooted critters. My heart is burdened by the remaining animals. These critters areused to having a loving family and all their needs tended to. They now are strandedin trees waiting for their families to come and get them or wandering/swimming thestreets looking for their loved ones and dinner.If you are a critter lover, add themto your prayer list. We have been helping those we can, and I promise a concerted effort when we are comfortable with the knowledge that all the people have beentended to.It's 10 pm here now, time for me to start another shift. Keep your prayers and good thought headed the right direction."

Stuff like this tears my heart out...

It’s no secret that I spend a good amount of my time on airplanes. They are sort of a second home to me and it’s become routine to wake up in the morning, pack my things, get myself together and head to the airport. Online check-in has made life much easier, as have all of those kiosks that are now replacing most ticketing agents. It’s actually become somewhat strange for me when that wall of silence is broken by a real voice when you happen to have an issue that the machine can’t deal with. People still (and will always) bitch about the TSA and how evasive their screenings are. Also realize that these are the same people who hold up the security line by waiting until the last possible second to get their shoes off and all $80 of pennies out of their pocket.

For an extra fiver, i can give you the FULL patdown...

Where the hell am I going with all of this? Well, on a recent trip to Calgary I had my first real problem with getting through immigration. It seemed that holding up my favorite Celine Dion CD (with a backup copy of Alanis Morisette’s Jagged Little Pill always ready to go) to the entry officer didn’t cut it anymore as a viable form of love & trust. When they asked me how long I had intended to stay in their quaint little chalice, I responded with an honest ‘one day.’

Their issue came in that I was getting into the city so late at night (10pm, due to having flight mechanicals all day long) and leaving the following morning. They wanted to know what ‘business’ I had visiting the city. At this point, the questioning got more invasive. This isn’t something I was used to dealing with, so I just played along, kept a smile on my face and answered everything them threw at me as honestly as I could without incriminating myself. I’m thinking they assumed I was visiting to either pick up or drop off illegal drugs, so I invited them to search my checked bags and computer case. They did a half-hearted search in front of me, turning up nothing of worth, unless you count a very sacred unopened bottle of Eros. If they’d have messed with that, I may still be detained for assault. You don’t mess with a man’s lube y’know...

So anyway, they grilled me for awhile longer, questioned my travel habits from what stamps they saw in my passport and eventually had to let me go. They had nothing to detain me. By this time, it was almost midnight and I was supposed to fly out the following morning at 9am. Argh. It was just surprising that in my few years of heavy travel that this hasn’t happened more often and more so, that it happened in Canada. Live and learn.

Holy-showing-bush-Batman! The new ads for Dolce & Gabanna’s mens line (above) are bordering on porn. Thumbs up to whoever designed this ad campaign, as they guys are hot and it’s definitely an attention getter along the lines of CK’s ‘Wear my Calvin’s or nothing at all’ campaign in the ‘80s. Get a load of the full bush on that kid. It's like he got pubic hair extensions. WHOOHOO!

Must... resist.... urge.... to eat the children's food

Isn’t it funny how people are always complaining about the quality of airline food, but when the airline takes it away, they complain even more? On that same subject, why do I always feel compelled to eat everything they throw my way when flying? Today, I had two flights to get back to San Antonio and on each they served a full meal. Did I simply eat once and just have water like I should have on the second flight? Hell no. I was like Delta Burke on a Carnival Cruise ship. I ate like one of those starving ‘... For just 80 cents a day’ kids on late-night tv that Sally Struthers is always waddling around.

The only thing that separates us from animals is our ability to accessorize, but in that split second I felt like a total pig. I think I’m learning my lesson.

Let me take a quick second here to congratulate LA-based escort Scott Adler for gracefully stealing my HBMC whipping-boy trophy and sending me into a pit of despair and depravity. Scott, you have done a most wonderful job of taking the heat, but soon the tables will turn and i'll be back to take my rightful place on the throne of absurdity. MUHAHAHA!

Be afraid... Be very afraid. *snicker*

To jumpstart a new idea here on 15 Minutes, I’m going to begin doing a weekly Q&A. I always admired the way guys like Dan Savage (of nationally syndicated ‘Savage Love’) and Aaron Lawrence offered their spin on things. While it would be nice to attribute the questions to a name, I’m also open to accepting anonymous submissions if you’re more comfortable that way. Also realize that I’m not a doctor or lawyer, but will follow-up with one if the answer requires a more professional opinion. The Q&A will mainly be about finding the humor in things, while still giving a no-holds-barred response. Over the past year, I’ve already gotten some pretty interesting questions regarding my profession and not surprisingly, most revolve around sex.

You’re shocked I’m sure ;)

So, without further ado (and until I can come up with a snazzier name), here’s this week’s Q&A:

Q: Is there any way to increase the volume of how much I cum or how hard it shoots out? Do you happen to have any personal techniques that have helped you with an impressive shot?

A: Hate to break it to you, but no pill, shake or dietary modifications will increase the volume of your ejaculate and if anyone tells you different, it’s time to sit down and really assess that friendship. Most guys produce between 2.5 and 5 cc’s of cum per shot, which is equal to roughly a tablespoon and has a street value of about thirty bucks. Your own measure is predetermined by genetic code and inscribed in the book of life next to your favorite band of lube. Yea, it’s possible to achieve your very best through abstinence or reaching close to an orgasm and then stopping, but don’t think you can save up enough to rewallpaper the Palace at Versailles or anything. After about three days, the fluid starts to get reabsorbed by the body, where it grows irritable and loses interest in activities it used to enjoy.

When I’m having sex, I tend to be the guy who hits people in the face, the headboard behind and just about everything in-between. Some of it is genetics, but some of it’s also timing of kegel muscle contractions (the muscle you flex to cut off urination). This helps distance, but it doesn’t do squat for the amount of cum you shoot. If you’re really looking to impress Mr. Right (or Mr. Right Now), I suggest backlogging a healthy orgasm by jacking off to the point of orgasm, but then stopping, letting things settle for about 20 seconds and repeating. Don’t cum.

Try doing this about 8-10 times and believe me, you’ll more than cover things when the time... er... comes.

If you’ve got questions, I’ve got answers. Sort of. LOL. I’m listening as always.

It was brought to my attention that some might have gotten the idea that 15 Minutes was going to break away from the site that started it all for me, HooBoy's Male4Male Review. Nothing could be further from the truth my friends. I'm still a weekly contributor as usual and things will remain the way they always have. A big eye-batting apology to those who'd rather see me (and this column) in the gutter: It ain't happening. I'm still having way too much fun.

The one thing i would change in hindsight was last week's gossip tidbit about Richard Hatch. While it wasn't wrong of me to divulge the general gossip piece, it was unprofessional in how i quite stupidly revealed my source. I apologize to any who might have taken this the wrong way and congratulate Hatch on having the brass tacks to show off his 26 year old arm candy last week at TigerHeat in LA. How very Ian McKellen of you Richard. I love it.

Let’s finish off this week’s blog with the EC as usual. I’m including some personal shots of myself taken a couple of weeks ago. Public British outcries of ‘let’s see your bum’ prompted me to post this shot, so enjoy. These were taken by a friend in several moments of ‘what the hell’ temperament.

It happens every now and then ;)

... Capped off with something funny i was sent recently:


"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved." -- Helen Keller

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?